Top 4 reasons my rooster is cooler than whatever it is you have going on

Posted by Chuck at 1/29/2009 7:44 PM
Categories: Funny

So, I've been getting flack from certain people on Facebook (aka FaceSpace) about my fascination with Tyson, the former cock-fighting rooster that escaped a life of torture and violence to live a life of peace in the eden that is our back yard.

We may or may not have imagined his horrid past, but we do know that he flapped his way over the tall block fences a couple of times to avoid whatever is outside our yard and as long as we don't stress him by walking up to him when he's already stressed, he prefers to be here.

We have no idea where he came from. None of our immediate neighbors are suspects, nor have we ever heard a rooster in the neighborhood in the morning (as we do now). The neighborhood across the main road in front of our development is pretty sketchy, but that road would be tough for a chicken to cross (why did the chicken cross the road?... because my backyard effing rocks). The closest place you can legally have livestock is three miles away, and I doubt the coyotes would let a chicken get here from there.

So anyway, I have no real idea where Tyson came from and I don't care. He's here and we like him. He's free to go as he wishes, but I hope he doesn't. I'll continue to feed the wild birds and happen to drop a bunch of feed where only he will get it as long as he wishes to stay in the shrubs on our slope.

The top four reasons Tyson is cooler that what ever the hell you have going on are:

4. He just doesn't belong here. Admittedly, across the road, it's not out of the question that people might have food or cock-fighting birds; but not here. We're in one of those neighborhoods of people who know they make too much to be called working-class, but also know they don't make enough to be called upper-middle class. So we all try hard to look, if not rich, then adequately employed for our surroundings. Everyone and I mean everyone in this neighborhood (except immediate neighbor to the west) mows and trims or hires people to do it. Most (except immediate neighbor to the east) keep old cars off the street. But really no one in the neighborhood is suspect of being a keeper of livestock. Everyone fits the profile of someone who would be mortified if you ever made that suggestion. 

3. He totally belongs with us. First of all, Kelly and I GET the intrinsic humor in the species. Chickens are inherently funny. Kelly and I are amused almost exclusively by humor. We don't watch things on television or movies that aren't funny. So, Tyson could not have picked a better set of human companions. We will find this amusing long after most people have moved on to things that actually matter.

2. He's beautiful. As funny as we both find chickens, Tyson is gorgeous!  It's impossible not to see what a beautiful creature he is. Today, I sent Kelly a job posting from within my company, but back where I used to work. It was a listing for posting doing exactly what I do now, but one pay grade higher. I just sent her the info, no explanation. She replied, "You're not making me go back there are you?" Then in the follow up discussion, she asked if the company would move Tyson, the way they gave us an allowance to move Amanda. "Maybe jetBlue is cool with that." I reminded her that jetBlue was an American air carrier not a Colombian bus line. But anyway, we do kind of want to figure out a way to let Tyson's gene line live on in Kendall. Maybe one day a hen will "appear." He seems lonely, being the only one of his species around.

1. He is a living descendant of dinosaurs. Seriously, think about that. A growing number of scientests think that the only remaining members of the dinosaur family are today's birds. Think about that a little when you look at your parakeet.

 
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