Kanye West's 12 Steps to Recovery from Stupid

Posted by Chuck at 9/17/2009 1:15 PM
Categories: Funny

We all know Kanye West is stupid. In fact, he may in fact be retarded. But now he's gone and done something no one can ignore and brush off as simply eccentric. He needs help and I think only the Pasturelands West Neo-Educational Doctrine's (PWNED) 12-step recovery program can help.

  1. Admit you are stupid, your actions have gone from being awkwardly and misguidedly eccentric to being unfathomably stupid; but you no longesr have control over the stupid.
  2. Come to believe that there is a power greater than yourself that can restore your sanity (Jay-Z).
  3. Turn your will and your life over to Jay-Z as you understand Him.
  4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your life. Make special note of the fact that the president called you a jackass; and while 49% of the US thinks he’s a terrorist, communist, or at least vaguely Muslim, everyone agreed with his assessment of you.  
  5. Admit to Jay-Z, yourself, and Beyonce (not in that order) the exact nature of your stupidity (see #4).
  6. When you are entirely ready, have Jay-Z remove all these defects of character by mentioning on the Tonight Show that he might work with you some day.
  7. Humbly ask Him to produce your next album.
  8. Make a list of people you’ve harmed (the US Census is in 2010, that list is a good start), and become willing to make amends to all of them.
  9. Make direct amends to as many people as possible, but start with that sweet child you humiliated on national TV the other day.
  10. Continue to take personal inventory and realize that your kind of self-centeredness and stupidity is unfathomable to the rest of us and likely based in hard-wiring of the brain and really isn’t curable.
  11. Pray for constant contact with Jay-Z and for His will to show throughout your remaining years.
  12. Release an album produced by Jay-Z and carry the message of the horrors of being stupid and self-obsessed to others as you appear on as many talk shows as exist. You’ll know you’ve recovered when Ellen accepts you onto her show.

 
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